Hihi!

I took a test which I saw on Bonnie's page... I was lured by the cute pink graphic :-D Oh, I guess I am just juvenile sometimes, because I can actually spend hours and hours on useless internet quizzes when I'm bored. At least the quiz below is "relevant"! Haha! My comments on my own score below.

Your Score: VERY SPANKABLE

You are 80% spankable!

You love being spanked, preferably to a deep rosy hue. You like nothing more than being bent over anything, anywhere, and spanked by a strong hand or maybe a leather paddle. We wouldn't be surprised if you wore those panties with the ruffles on the ass. You are also probably guilty of wiggling the goods at people and bending over suggestively at every opportunity.

Link: The How Spankable Are You Test written by bazz22 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

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I like it when my butt has a deep rosy hue = check!
I like being bent over anything: the knee, over pillows, the sofa arm etc. = check!
I like hand spankings, and am curious about paddles = check!
I own panties with ruffles = check! Haha! Actually, it has ruffles and a little lace ribbon. So cute!

The quiz was wrong with one other point though. Actually, I act very conservative in real life (too conservative? My friends used to call me a marm and joked that I could be a nun), and although I fantasize a lot when I'm with Marcus or on my own, I would never wiggle my butt or bend suggestively for just anyone! Guess I lead some kind of "double life" that way... marm on the outside, spanko in the inside (and whatever would I do if Marcus hadn't introduced me to spanking?)

But I can forgive the makers of the quiz for that... as I said, it's a cute pink graphic up there :-)

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Speaking of double-life and spankos in their everyday life...

I am currently catching up with fellow spankos' blogs which I haven't been able to visit the past weeks. In my favorite site Creative Coaching Concepts, the blog owner Miss F asks us girls to do this hairbrush experiment in public (like flashing a fat wooden hairbrush in a train). If the social experiment goes well, the vanillas won't give a second look but presumably, the spankos will. Interesting like "wear your fetish to work day", isn't it? You can read more about it here. Unfortunately though, I wouldn't know where to try this experiment myself (I don't ride public transportation often), although I just wish I could try this in a train at rush hour and see what happens :-D

/Carolyn

Have you ever been discovered?

First of all, I apologize to you all for the long delay in our posting. In the first weeks, as you know, Marcus was down with something (we actually thought it was salmonella since it coincided with some salmonella news here; but eventually we were able to rule it out). Then came the mountain of work for me, and it was just impossible to find time and blog! So again, my apologies.

Since no "real" spankings have been going on these past weeks (if you exclude playful ones that don't leave a mark, and zen spankings which I talked about recently), I thought I'd take a look at our own spanking photo archives from last year, to inspire me back to blogging.

I found this particularly cute pyjama picture of Marcus, from about this time of the year last year:

My broad brush had been used, resulting in pink round markings that raise slightly from the skin. Usch!

The funny thing is that my mom actually gave those pyjamas to us as a present (red for Marcus and blue for me -- our favorite colors), but she has no idea (to my knowledge anyway) that we have mostly been using it as a spanking costume. Perhaps if she mistakenly gets her way to this page, she will recognize the pattern from the pyjamas she had bought from Thailand.

I don't know how many of us would be able to share our kink with a family member. I've read some interviews of professional spankers (those that produce spanking movies), and how some of them have had to tell their parents so as not to lead a double life of sorts. As a "hobbyist", we never really felt a compulsion to divulge our hobby to anyone who knows us personally, but I remember how (because I failed to move some spanking pictures to another folder), my sister saw one of my red-butt pictures early on when Marcus and I became a couple.

I was showing her some cute couple pictures of us at Marcus' apartment, and as soon as I scrolled to the next picture, we were both surprised that it was a butt on the screen!

I deleted the picture in a hurry, red in my face as I would imagine. My butt was only slightly pink (it was one of our first spanking sessions, so I was eventually sorry that II deleted it), and Marcus -- who was worried that I might get turned off by the pain I wasn't used to by then -- fetched some re-freezable ice blocks to put on my bottom. So, the picture was actually of my pink butt, framed by a blue ice block!

I just explained it quickly to my sister as a game we tried, and then clumsily changed the topic (I even tried to say that it was Marcus' butt, hopefully she didn't stare at the picture long enough to see that it was womanly hips on the picture). Then, we never talked about the picture again. How embarrasing!!!

So my question for today stems from this personal experience of mine. Have any of you ever been discovered by a "vanilla" acquaintance, friend, or relative one time or another? How did you feel? How did you try to explain your way out of it, or did you just share the whole lot?

Polls at Blogflux don't work right now, so I would love to have your stories as comments, out of curiosity and to see weather anyone has the same experience as me!

/Carolyn

The nurse and the zen spanking

Marcus is currently not feeling so well, so any serious spankings are put on hold for the moment. Instead, I am busy taking care of the poor sick boy -- a great time to fantasize about being strict mom or nurse. I did get an unusual request from my "patient" yesterday though. When his head was aching and I asked if he needed a massage, he instead asked for some light spankings...

Before you say that it was mean of me to oblige, it really wasn't a hard spanking, I can say that. I don't know what to call them really, but they've been called "zen spanking" elsewhere: light-to-medium hard taps on regular intervals, made to make you relax and be very aware at the same time. They're not so hard to make one cringe, but not so light that you are not aware of them. Rather, all your thoughts concentrate on ... well, nothing at all. They just float there somewhere, on a point between the ceiling and your rosy butt cheeks. It is a spanko's state of no-mind, and I can assure you that it is very relaxing.

So, that is what Marcus requested, and I couldn't resist turning it into a small game, with me as the therapist, releasing Marcus of his negative energies. I sat on the bed beside him, just spanking decisively and talking gently. When I asked him, he actually said it took some pain away from his head -- probably my zen spankings gave him some other sort of pain to think about. After a 10- to 15- minute session, he was sufficiently relaxed and sufficiently tired, and slept like a baby. Then I sneaked this picture (I think the butt looked rosier than it looks in the picture though!)


I sound like a spanking testimonial here, but this is actually one of the wonders of a spanking relationship: it has so many dimensions, all loving, but with different degrees of intensity, seriousness, playfulness, even different purposes! Everyone would benefit in this stressed world if you could enter 15-minute spanking parlors during your lunch break, don't you think? Almost all domestic violence will disappear, too. We all need that endorphin rush from time to time, or that feeling of being punished, forgiven and caressed -- all of which the world of spanking can give. But before I start marketing consensual spanking as a cure-all, I'll stop here.

Just wish Marcus a get-well-soon, everyone, and send your zen spankings over for his speedy recovery!

P.S. Some religious weirdo has posted an incredibly long comment on many spanking blogs (including mine), about god's wrath and sexual deviancy blah blah blah. Well, not that I read the whole "document" of his, but ... where did this weirdo come from? Anyway, he's bonkers and antisocial enough not to know that comments can be deleted, and will be if the blog owner sees fit. And by the way, that person deserves a serious spanking with a "holy" paddle (which is what I call a paddle with holes) just because I saw his comment first thing in the morning. Ugh! D.S.

Show me your sloggi!

While reading an internet forum this week (that had nothing to do with fetish), we came across a link to an interesting contest called "Show me your sloggi". Actually, the author of the comment tried to feign disinterest with the contest and the pictures there, but shared the link anyway. Heheh. Typical. Thanks for that though! B-)


Basically, the point of the contest is this: you put up a picture of your bum online (by country -- in our case Sweden of course), and visitors can vote for whose butt they think looks the best. Especially after my "MyButt: I'm lovin' it" entry (and my comment to a comment there), this makes me think: whose butt looks best, really? The pseudo-philosopher in me wonders if this contest is actually perpetuating or changing our idea of what a good-looking butt should look like. Who dictates it and who shapes who -- the viewers, or the underwear manufacturers and the fashion world? For instance, the main page of this contest show their own model's butts, with the headline: "See beautiful bums". When one clicks on this link, (to get to the butts with the best votes), the top of the roster show pictures of butts in that suspiciously generic shape in somewhat glossy-magazine poses... Maybe they just shouldn't have turned this butt-sharing PR-stint into a contest -- the kind of promotes a certain way to judge beauty by and puts a premium on a beauty standard that have after all been created by their industry.


I say the Dove ads rule over this Sloggi PR. And I'm not posting my butt there anyway (because most of my butt pictures show them bruised or welted anyway... The voters might not think that that's sexy no matter what we think!) Besides, I don't own a pair of Sloggis. Ha haH!

Still, I would like to hear what you guys think... is this the classic MTV-like imposition of norms? Or do you think that the contest is democratic since people get to vote out of their different tastes? Who influences who, and do you see that as a good or a bad thing?

MyButt: I'm lovin' it!

They say you can never look at yourself from behind, but that doesn't stop you from loving it...


I know, I know... I'm totally hogging the scene in this blog whereas Marcus now prefers to stay on the sidelines and to read my (slowly increasing) entries instead. I have to think of some "project" for him to write about someday >;-D In the meantime, you'll keep on hearing from moi...

First, an observation. One of the other wonders about blogging about one's spanking journey is a kind of "relationship", empathy or understanding you suddenly share with other fellow spanko bloggers. Lately I have been able to relate to almost every spanko blogger entry I've come across. I read their spanking fantasies, their sensation while being spanked, being taken over by this blogging addiction, etc. and I think to myself, "Exactly, sistahs!" :-)

There was actually a time (in my sheltered youth!) when I thought this whole world of spanking and BSDM was strange one and that only "fake" people and fabricated personalities engaged in such activities. Quite the contrary! In fact, it was stupid of me to have thought this, which shows that it's always wrong to give judgement on people whom you don't really understand. People whose blogs I have read and who have shared their experiences with people like me are in fact some of the most honest, genuine people I have heard from, definitely much more true to themselves than some of the religious marms whom I grew up with. Also, being in a spanking relationship myself at present, I should be one of the first to know that spanking is possible in stable, commited relationships of people who truly love each other. It's not all that strange from any other sort of sex life or love life ... except this one is a tad more exciting and a just bit kinkier, to use some English understatements!

Being in this world is perhaps one of the best, most liberating, self-discovering events that has happened to me. This leads me to my second point, a revelation:

Within the two years I have been spanked and have been giving spankings, not only has my own self-image but even the image that I have with my own butt improved. It has changed from indifference, to self-consciousness, to (thankfully), a confidence in my own skin... or rather, my own backside.

When I started out with spanking, I was actually very conscious of how my butt looked like. I never thought that I would ever be conscious of it in the past, but after a few butt-fetish conversations with Marcus then, I was convinced that I wasn't blessed with oh-so-spankable "double juicys," which at that time, kind of depressed me. Too bad that butt transplants were expensive, risky and just plain silly, I thought. Besides, who would want to sit on a kind of hard cushion 24/7? I found this obsession of wanting to make my butt look bigger kind of strange and against-the-grain. Actually, most European girls probably have a butt-problem of the opposite nature: magazines depict the ideal model's backside to be slim, not shapely. Advertisements thrive on the "need" to reduce one's hip- and thigh fat. If they only knew how I would like to grow hip fat!!! Since the only fat I grow I seem to tuck under my belly, I even had a 6-month stint at the gym, working out my legs and my butt at the quite lazy pace of twice a week. I don't actually know if it worked or if it was just wishful thinking; at any case, I moved to indoor cycling which I also thought would improve my butt tone.

Yet, even then (I was enjoying myself to much with the cycling perhaps, so that I wasn't thinking primarily of my butt anymore?), I started to become "friends" with my butt. I never made any conscious decision to. Just one day, probably because of a particularly good spanking or a particularly loving butt-pat, I learned to be comfortable with how it looked -- regardless if it still isn't the most oh-so-spankable booty there is. When we started watching spanking videos, I realized even that butts indeed came in all shapes and sizes and mine was nothing to be ashamed of, as all the other parts of me. And like a good pat on the back, it felt good inside to know this. Externally speaking, this poured into other things: I started loving how my profile looked in a skirt, I'm now always on time for bikini-waxing and eventual plucking so I can use my sexy underwear more often (though I must admit I'm a sucker for the comfortable cotton ones). I also regularly moisturize my butt cheeks after the shower. But internally, I in fact learned to appreciate not only myself butt the humongous variety of body types there is in this world. I no longer look at big-butted people bitterly, nor do I envy them now. Instead, I learned to appreciate good-looking butts of all sizes when I see them, and actually manage to smile to myself authentically.

How about you? Are you comfortable with your butt? Please feel free to add your vote and to leave a comment if I missed anything out!



/Carolyn

Food and fetish

I don't know if it's the blogging that is affecting my subconscious or if the subconscious thoughts that were always there just got a chance to be heard -- and are therefore making their presence ever-known to me -- since I started this blog (or "we" rather, because -- despite me hogging all the blog space here-- Marcus was the one who actually had the idea of starting this up and I would never have considered it without his suggestion).

But here's what I know. Since starting this blog of ours, I...

1. Have been having vivid dreams that involved spanking, bondage, and sexuality almost every day. Some are sexy, and some are just plain weird. The weirdest one so far came to me a few nights ago. It involved me being tied on my back to a giant cheese wheel, my arms bound together, my knees apart and my feet on the cheese -- probably anticipating some light flogging. I imagined that you guys (the readers of this blog) loved the pictures of the cheese-bondage, and Marcus and I eventually came up with a series of close-ups involving my hands or my feet tied to various blocks of cheeses of different sizes and variants.

I know... it's crazy. But incidentally, while trying to find a picture of a giant cheese wheel, I found this picture of a milk maid lying on one, her butt pointed at the air and her feet seemingly held up. There are a few differences in our poses alright, but she could also be taunting you for a spank, don't you think?

(Picture by Don Emmert, AFP/Getty Images -- who may not be at all flattered that I have used his picture in this site. On the other hand, you never can tell!)

2. I realized since a few weeks ago that I really *really* enjoy anal play. Mostly, I enjoy touching Marcus' hole, just flicking my fingers around its edges, looking at it and even smelling it from time to time. I know that it sounds pervy... I would have thought so a few months back myself. However, I can't explain the feeling of plain excitement that I get from just having my fingers nearby, pinching some flesh now and then. Sometimes I even think I could get carried away massaging him this way and find my bare finger there by surprise! On the other hand, I find that Marcus' little peeps of surprise during these moments when I'm just about to enter my fingers are one of the most pleasurable sounds I have ever heard. During my recent visit to the hospital, I even managed to steal a bunch of latex gloves to fulfill my mounting curiosity and to satisfy my itchy fingers... :-D

This leads me to think that the strap-on is the way to go from here. Strap-ons were just plain invented for people like me! At the moment however, with neither a dildo nor a strap-on in my possession, one can be amazed at how necessity (or just plain desire to fulfill a curiosity) becomes the mother of invention. Funny as it seems to me now, I actually got the permission to use a carrot to fulfill my purpose -- an opportunity that I jumped at with eagerness! Haha! I actually laugh like an evil lady-dom when I perform these things on a probably humiliated Marcus. Actually though, I was actually very gentle -- when I wasn't over-excited, that is -- and I asked him a lot about what he felt, what he liked or didn't like. On the whole, my man here reports that he likes it, despite the strange choice of implement.

I swear I will never look at carrots the same way again though (however healthy and delicious these vegetables are)! Luckily, while looking for other weirdos like me under Google (searching for "carrot + butt" :-D) I found out that I am also in good company. Long ago, our dear friend Arnold Swarzenegger also tried to place a carrot between someone's butt cheeks (full article here). The difference between him and me though, is that I actually succeeded!